Interestingggggg. For context I’m a transmasc poly slag who predominantly dates femmes - but I did live a lot of my life as a straight woman looking for a monogamous relationship, but simultaneously looking for hookups while I waited.
The “withhold sex if you really like them” paradox is one I remember well. But I guess maybe only applies in certain cultures? A lot of my circle are cis women who date men. I know many examples of happy partnerships that have arisen from casual hookups.
I guess the difference is people when meet at swingers clubs, sex parties, polymeets etc, there’s no stigma placed on a woman for putting out early. Is it just misogyny in the rest of society that advantages not shagging early on?
Conversely, on the rare occasion that I don’t shag someone I fancy... It does add a certain frizzante. I agree that not having casual sex with “relationship material” suitors works for most people. Would be interested to know what you attribute that to?
Thank you so much for reading! I love the idea of casual hookups turning into something more serious :) You're probably right. I may well dig into that notion of withholding sex in the future. For me, it's more from an emotional standpoint. If I like a guy and think he's long-term relationship material, my feelings get involved, so withholding sex until he's into me is protection for the heart.
All in all, I wanted to share more of a "yolo" strategy here, like ripping off the band-aid. I want to take advantage of these opportunities to sleep with people I'm attracted to, because I enjoy having a quick shag more than fantasizing about someone forever. I hope that answers your questions!
Interestingggggg. For context I’m a transmasc poly slag who predominantly dates femmes - but I did live a lot of my life as a straight woman looking for a monogamous relationship, but simultaneously looking for hookups while I waited.
The “withhold sex if you really like them” paradox is one I remember well. But I guess maybe only applies in certain cultures? A lot of my circle are cis women who date men. I know many examples of happy partnerships that have arisen from casual hookups.
I guess the difference is people when meet at swingers clubs, sex parties, polymeets etc, there’s no stigma placed on a woman for putting out early. Is it just misogyny in the rest of society that advantages not shagging early on?
Conversely, on the rare occasion that I don’t shag someone I fancy... It does add a certain frizzante. I agree that not having casual sex with “relationship material” suitors works for most people. Would be interested to know what you attribute that to?
Thank you so much for reading! I love the idea of casual hookups turning into something more serious :) You're probably right. I may well dig into that notion of withholding sex in the future. For me, it's more from an emotional standpoint. If I like a guy and think he's long-term relationship material, my feelings get involved, so withholding sex until he's into me is protection for the heart.
All in all, I wanted to share more of a "yolo" strategy here, like ripping off the band-aid. I want to take advantage of these opportunities to sleep with people I'm attracted to, because I enjoy having a quick shag more than fantasizing about someone forever. I hope that answers your questions!