The 4 Categories of Porn I Watch, and Why
Psychoanalyzing my self-pleasure...
This post has been updated! You can read the latest version here on tashdoherty.com.
Introduction
I was chatting with a female friend the other day.
“I’ve never watched porn,” she told me.
“What?!” I said, skipping a breath, “If I had never watched porn, I’d probably have a PhD by now.” (As in the academic qualification, not a pretty huge dick).
I have watched a lot of porn over the years. I hate to admit it, but I probably first searched sexual images on the internet when I was 12 years old. I was hitting puberty, and far too curious for my own good. Porn is basically how I learned what sex was. And over the last 15 years, my preferred categories have moulded into hard-wired, dopamine-producing grooves in my brain.
Yet watching porn has been far from a guilt-free activity. I’ve gone through phases of being disgusted at myself for doing it daily. I used to feel that the masturbation component itself was shameful. I do it in the privacy of my own room and don’t tell anyone about it. It must be a sin. But over time, I’ve come to accept it. I’ve come to accept myself. I am a human. Humans are animals, and there’s something appealing to animals about watching their fellow specimens fucking each other. I mean, real talk though: how else was I going to get through my dry spells? Throughout college and early yuppie life, I’ve gone for months at a time without having a sexual partner. Who would I be if I had never watched porn to masturbate? Probably someone far grouchier, displeased, highly-strung, on-edge and anxious—or at least more anxious than I am now.
Sometimes the men I sleep with ask me in a kinky way,
“What porn categories do you watch?”
This question leaves me shrugging. Some of my categories would be hot to watch with a partner. While others are just…weird. Porn categories are kind of like each person’s TikTok algorithm: maybe a guy could admire aspects of my taste from afar, but no two For You Pages are the same. That’s why I don’t really share them with anybody…except you!
Tash, I am sure I'm not the first person to subscribe to Misseducated based on the teaser to this piece alone, nor will I be the last. And now I'm SOOOOO glad I did! (Actually, you/your writing made me swoon in Unmute, so I've been tempted for a few weeks now, but this was the final straw. Plus, since I can't join Unmute this time round, giving my meager pennies to you and Substack seems reasonable.)
In good, old fashioned Unmute tradition, I'll quote the lines that slayed me:
* Who would I be if I had never watched porn to masturbate? Probably someone far grouchier, displeased, highly-strung, on-edge and anxious—or at least more anxious than I am now.
* Americans will eat whatever the fuck they want, and say, unapologetically, “I was starving, so I had the triple bacon cheeseburger with 2 hamburger patties plus a layer of fried chicken in a twice-fried sandwich.” Bring it on!
* I often wonder how they walk afterwards though or what the post-scene experience is like for them.
I love the titillation of reading about your pleasures, especially the fact that women fisting each other can get you off. Anal fisting ain't my jam, but vaginal fisting used to be, and I found the piece as a whole made me consider revisiting my old fetishes and finding new pleasures via the magic of online porn. Thank you darling! Now, back to my deep-fried double patty...
Epically shamelessly sexy, Tash, I'm obsessed with this.